Privacy

Most of the pain I’ve experienced, I keep to myself. Many people keep pain inside them, and are usually private about how much they’re hurting. Parents hide a lot of pain from their children, it’s only when children get older they realize all their parents went through. We can recognize or relate to the pain sometimes, but we never really know what someone is going through.

Like everyone else too, I see the world through my own lens – I’m a first generation American, the daughter of Austrian immigrants, both my parents were musicians. I felt emotions mostly through music, I could hear it at an early age.

There’s just so much pain in the world that can’t even be put into words – sometimes art really is the only way to express it, to lift the weight of it. So much of it gets carried over time.

I’ve gotten increasingly private, though I’ve shared good and bad things that have happened to me online, there’s more I don’t share.

I thought some things just weren’t meant to share, there was just less and less I wanted to share.

I’ve slowly been going silent on social media since 2017, when my identity was stolen. Fortunately I have a very unique name, so the person couldn’t get away with it for long – the experience still scared me and made me realize just how easy it is for someone to figure things out about you… people will go in the trash for it.

https://www.actionnews5.com/story/36744740/woman-racks-up-300-vet-bill-with-college-students-stolen-identity/?fbclid=IwAR3lgu6dWHa079kz_LiL6miyRvXrNmQoSlHyYlmlqVt62NgU27wHgZkx-8E

Recently I decided instead of clamping my shell even more, I’d start a blog and let some of my creativity be known. I needed a way to organize myself. I admire my peers that have created something – I’ve seen a lot of my old friends do great things – starting their own brand, shop, album, family. It takes determination and ambition to make something of yourself.
Everyone finds their own way.

So what do I want people to know?
That I’m probably not what you think, and I that I know more than you think I do.

When it comes to pain, I go inward and never want people to see, not my parents, not even my husband. Being interviewed on the news was about the most fame I’ve ever had, and it felt very weird.
The best way for me to handle my pain is to make music, I sing free-verse, just letting any words I have to say be heard by God.

It’s good to encourage people to speak up when they’re in pain – right now mental health is so important, many people are struggling and coping best they can.

I think trying to be more private is easier though. It’s nice to see that others care to help, but for lots of things we can only help ourselves. Privacy is almost dead anyway, there’s no shame in wanting attention… but know that God is already paying attention.

I try not to feel burdened by pain – I’d like to live a better life because of it.