Forgetting Myself

Just going to put it out there…

I doubt myself a lot. I’m trying to stop that. I didn’t even know how bad my self-doubt was until I started being in charge of moving a giant, highly intuitive, sensitive animal around. I’ve had to pull confidence out of a deep well within me. But I found that place of abundant waters, I had forgotten about it, it’s been there this whole time.

I’m not empty, even though I do feel dry more frequently than I’d like.

Why do some people forget themselves? While others only think of themselves…?

To be self-less… does that mean we have to forget ourselves? I don’t think so.

When you want to help others, when you have a vision, when you do whatever you can to make a difference – that is being self-less, by also remembering what you are capable of. Instead of wishing and hoping for things, you make it happen… you go out with faith and take charge. You seek solutions, ask for guidance, get different perspectives, you make moves. That’s what it’s about to me.

I don’t know why it took me ’til I turned 30 to realize that I have so much untapped potential. I do. I won’t doubt myself.

I have what it takes, and I have all the ideas in the world.. but I have not acted enough. I have not made strides towards accomplishing all these goals I had intended for my life, for my career. I shrunk myself and lost the bucket to my well of confidence. I really let go of everything I was working for. I was so ready and willing to become someone important… but important to who? To myself? I still don’t know. I thought I was going to be a part of some cause, to change the world… wow, why did I put that much pressure on myself?

Now I see things a little clearer. I’ve been focused on developing a specific set of skills that are starting to translate into the real world, translating into my character, into my purpose.

I’ve experienced ‘equine therapy’ and understand now, how amazing horses are at reaching us on a different level. My horse brought the bucket and asked me to fill it. I am listening. I am motivated.

So what now? Personal growth seems to be the only topic I can write about these days… All the pictures I take with my mind’s eye. All the songs in my heart. All the poems I’ve planted in my soul. How can I go blank?

If I’m forgetting myself, it’s because my spirit has already made the jump, my body is just behind, doubting itself. I am re-establishing that connection between body and spirit – with the energetic flow of horseback riding – up through my legs, into my core, and out through my hands. The dance of my own feet, my outstretched arms, my flowing hair… gives me a sense that all I am is enough, all I will be is enough, all I have to offer is enough. That is what I’m discovering. That is the lesson I’m learning.

You can do anything if you embrace the unique gifts you possess. Your body, your knowledge, your power.

Don’t ever forget…